Mostly Fake Made Up Player Profile Presents: Andrea Bargnani

Andrea Bargnani:
Age: 24
Height: 7-0
Weight: 250
Nationality: Italian
Contract and Salary: 2010: $6,527,491 (With a 5 year, 50 million going through 2014/2015 season)





Background:
Andrea is the great grandson of the famed Italian General Angelo Esposito Bargnani. Angelo commanded troops during the second battle of Thermopylae in World War 1. It is said that Andrea's prodigious height and athleticism come from Angelo as well as being a near mirror image of him.

Born in Rome, Andrea was often hit with sticks by children in school due to his height and his disinterest in Soccer. By the age of 9, Andrea had grown the beard he sports today and the sheer magnificence of it cowed the other children into accepting him. Like all Italian children, Andrea lost his virginity at the age of 12 to a grizzled lady of the night. Andrea has admitted that "Griselda", as he knew her, taught him much about love, life, and the art of the free throw. He still thinks of her during his visits to the charity stripe.

Andrea was the first European born player to be selected #1 in the NBA draft. While a great accomplishment, had this been a real draft, a mid-late lottery selection would have been far more likely.  Andrea showed flashes of brilliance during his rookie season. Unfortunately those flashes appear to have blinded him, as his shooting touch and confidence abandoned him in his second season.

Andrea's future was starting to look bleak. The Raptors had signed Jermaine O'Neal to be their Center, Sam Mitchell continued to rip at Andrea's confidence. If not for two things, Andrea might never have had a chance to realize his potential. First Sam Mitchell was fired for incompetence. Secondly, Jermaine O'Neal remained Jermaine O'Neal, prompting a trade to get him out of town as fast as possible.

The sky is the limit for young Andrea. Despite his feminine name, he is often seen about Toronto with beautiful women on his arm, and websites have sprung up to question his marital status. Also he seems to be playing better basketball. Though his fear of rebounds matches his fear of Tigers. Intense psychotherapy will be required there to show any real improvement.

Injury History:
In 2007, Andrea had his appendix removed. While at first seen as a dangerous moment in his life, it has proven a boon, as the decreased overall body mass has correlated to an increase in his blocked shots.


Strengths:
- Sustained use of "Oil of Olay"
- Athleticism
- Shiny beard blinds defenders
- Feathery touch to Jumper
- Improving post game

Weaknesses:
- Parmesan Cheese
- Rebounding
- Intense pathological fear of Siberian tigers
- Help Defense
- More Help Defense

Best Case Career:
2 Cup Mehmet Okur
1 Cup Dirk Nowitzki
2 taplespoons Rik Smits
1 sprinkle of Arvydas Sabonis
Mix well with rubber spatula
Bake at 350 for 14 years
Let Cool

Worst Case Career:
Tim Thomas