Game Preview 3/31/2010 vs. LA Clippers

Announcement to NBA Players:
Don't Play for the Clippers. Just don't do it. I'm not a doctor, but consider me your doctor right now. DO NOT PLAY FOR THE CLIPPERS. It is a medically unsound choice. Blake Griffin, you had a chance. You could have demanded a trade elsewhere, you could have said "nope, not doing it, never" and just moved on. You chose to embrace playing for the Clippers, and see what happened? 

I'm not going to go into the list of #1 draft picks that have been career alteringly injured. (yes, I made up the word alteringly) I am not going to go through the list of busts. I will simply point to a certain youtube link of poor Shaun Livingston. (really don't watch that if you're squeamish) Shaun got drafted by the Clippers, started to show his potential, and then BAM, he became a true Clipper destroying his ACL, MCL, PCL, Lateral Miniscus, and dislocating his Kneecap and his tibia-femoral joint.   I think what I am trying to say to NBA Players is if you ever stumble across this blog. If you are ever weighing a free agent decision. You may be offered more money to play for the Clippers. You may have to choose between the Clippers and overseas. All I can say is that the D-League and Idaho looks a lot better than the picture in the top left. Do your ACL a favor. Stay away from the Clippers.

The Shocking Truth About Hedo Turkoglu's Moderately Wild Night!

Rather than a regular wrap up and analysis of the Bobcats game, I can sum it up fast. Jack and Bargnani showed up in the fourth. Last 4 minutes were some of the most painful basketball ever watched, but a win is a win. There, consider yourself informed.

While this has for the most part been a blog of expert analysis and stunning wisdom, the time has come to put aside the opinion. It is time for some hard journalism. By sorting through all the evidence, I have come up with a timeline of Mr. Hedo Turkoglu and what REALLY happened during his supposed night of moderate partying and non stomach illness.



Time-Line of Hedo Turkoglu's life From March 24'th to March 27'th:


Wed March 24'th

8:11 PM:
After 4 points in 19 minutes, Hedo's stomach begins to rebel, whether because of some spicy clams or because of it rejecting yet another atrocious offensive performance, we can't be sure.

10:42 PM
Phone call from Triano checking on his Small Forward, insuring Hedo is checking out the Nuggets game tape and enjoying his Pizza Pizza and Sprite. Hedo responds “Yes Coach”.


Thurs March 25'th

10:03 AM
After getting onto the practice floor, and seeing Sonny Weems playing SF for the first team with Hedo's status up in the air, Hedo's stomach once again rebels on him, forcing him to the restroom for an extended period. Sonny goes 2 for 17 in practice, full of confidence for the upcoming games.


Fri March 26'th

5:30 PM
Hedo finds out he's not going to be dressing for the game due to his lingering “virus” Consumes more Pizza Pizza and Sprite in sadness.

7:51 PM
Sonny Weems makes 19 foot jump shot. Hedo faints on bench, requiring the trainer to take him back to the locker room and check him out.

9:06 PM
Up 10, Hedo realizes how much Pizza Pizza and Sprite 53 million dollars can buy. Resulting giggle fit has team-mates worried. Resulting in late game collapse and Denver victory.

9:32 PM
Raptors lose, walking back to locker room loose ball heads towards Hedo, passes through outstretched hands, strikes Hedo in the face. Giggle fit ends.

10:31 PM
Hedo's wife has it written into his marital contract that all Friday nights in Toronto require a trip out. Hedo acquiesces meekly.

11:46 PM
Yorkville district becomes enhanced by the Turkoglu family. Hedo takes brief trip into the new hip hop club “Esophagus” thinking perhaps he can get something for his recent stomach issues there.


Sat March 27'th

1:14 AM

Twelve rye and pepto's later, Hedo is feeling much better. He is seen unpacking his mystery case that he had been carrying with him. Supposedly case contains a pair of custom made Gucci dancing shoes. The crowd takes a collective intake of breath as they are about to be subjected to a 6'10” Turkish man showing them all up.

1:32 AM
DANCE FIGHT! Hedo vs. 19 year old hairdresser DeMonique Blair of Mississauga.

1:48 AM
Hedo Crowned winner. Distressed DeMonique takes cell phone picture of Hedo's final moves. Sadly, DeMonique can't leap up to the roof, grab hold of supports, followed by a reverse somersault, and come down in the splits.

1:51 AM
Jealous DeMonique uses her Blackberry to Google Raptor executives. E-mailing the entire front office the picture of a supposedly ill Turkoglu celebrating his dance victory by spinning his wife on his index finger like a Spalding Basketball. Executives angry at him showing this much ball control wonder why he isn't displaying it in game.

2:38 AM
Turkoglu and wife return home. Consume Pizza Pizza, delivery man was waiting in his drive way. Driver enjoys 100 dollar tip and vows to supply them with as much pizza as they need in the future. Hedo weeps openly for the first time since he left his homeland.

9:34 AM
Coach Triano calls. Wants to know if Hedo is ready for Miami Sunday. “Yes Coach”

Game Preview 3/29/2010 @ Charlotte

Back to back games stress the mind, the body, and your ability to sleep on planes. Back to Back games against the two teams directly ahead of you in the standings making up a vital road trip to try and stay in playoff contention are something else. 

Playing Charlotte is an interesting quandry. They aren't the most talented. They aren't the best at anything. But somehow they find ways to win. What they do have is a decent defensive team that can win some games when they play offense. The best part of Charlotte is their "spiritual" leader is Mr. Stephen Jackson. 

Stephen Jackson currently has to run a #2 behind Ron Artest for craziest NBA player. Sure, he's loyal, but still, he's batshit insane. Personally I find his chest tattoo of two hands praying while holding a handgun to be rather calming. He believes in God. Surely no one has ever done something crazy in god's name. Jackson is often best known as the Robin to Artest's Batman during the Palace of Auburn Hills brawl. But admittedly, charging into the stands full of people who hate you shows you care about your team-mates. Not about your own well being perhaps but your team-mates sure. And what does shooting a gun into the air at a strip club at 3am show? That Mr. Jackson likes strip clubs and guns of course. His gun love, coach feuding, and insanity notwithstanding, his teammates love him. He's given them an identity, and a new attitude. This team isn't your grandma's old kitty cat anymore. They're angry, and they love guns. Personally, I think that makes the cats very very interesting.


Prediction:
Bobcats 108 Raptors 102

Game Wrap Up 3/28/2010 @ Miami (Let the Collapses Continue)

I have to say, a 97-92 prediction and the game ending 97-94 looks might good. Definitely makes up for the Nuggets prediction. What my prediction didn't have was a 17 point comeback, and second straight fourth quarter 10+ point lead collapse. Teams show what they are made of in the fourth quarter of games. Collapsing generally shows a lack of mental toughness, or a team that has checked out on their coach and their season.

That has to be the current question about the Raptors. Do they still really care. People have been starting to question whether Bosh is really still committed to this team. It's not in Bosh's nature to quit, but the reality of the situation is that he's not going to be able to take this team, put it on his back, and go anywhere come playoff time. It seems that for the next 4-5 years, the Raptors as currently constructed would be peeking as a 45-49 win team who might compete for a 4 seed in their best year. Not a team that is going to be competing for championships. So while I believe he is doing his best, (unlike a certain traitor) I think that the losing is starting to really take it's toll on Mr. Bosh.  It seems that almost everyone I talk to has now accepted that he is probably going to be gone after the season. No one wants to say "oh, this team is too good for him to leave. I've heard excuses like "He's loved here, he won't be as beloved elsewhere". That's obviously untrue. If he went to New York, he'd have a chance to turn around a storied franchise in the biggest market in North America. More sponsorship money, more exposure, more fame. And if they work a sign and trade for Bosh, lots of room for other help.

We'll have to see if the Raptors can A) Make the playoffs. B) somehow put everything together again and make some noise beating a much better team in the first round. Only then will Chris have something to consider. But any more collapses and we might as well say goodbye to him.

Game Preview 3/28/2010 at. Miami Heat

No wrap up for the Nuggets game you say? Carmelo's last minute shot drove me into a pit of despair and sadness that only painkillers, a goat, and a two day liquor bender could salve. Eventually I woke up Sunday morning laying in front of the ACC with only one shoe on, a large stain looking suspiciously like dried blood on my left leg, and no wounds to explain it. I realized that time heals all wounds. (Except for emotionally inflicted ones by NBA basketball players... I'll never forgive you Vince Carter... never) Carmelo's shot happened, but after 44 minutes of well played aggressive basketball. If the Raps had managed to not turn the ball over so much, their massive rebounding edge would have allowed for them to blow that one out instead of playing such a close game. Take that aggression into tonight and things will go well.

The Heat are rather similar to the Raptors. They have a star eligible for free agency. They surround him with aging talent that really isn't all that talented. The difference is Miami beach is full of warmth, Clubs, and fake tits. It's a perfect NBA destination. Hopefully last night the Raptors didn't partake of these extravagances too much, and are ready to go tonight. The sad news for Toronto is Jermaine O'Neal being questionable for tonight's game with the fact that he's still alive. With 1 of his 2 knees legally dead, the other one is putting up a fight, but eventually, it's going to lose it's battle with the grim reaper, and the legacy of JO will fade into the distance.  If JO was healthy, we could look forward to a healthy display of low percentage jump shots and grimaces.

As it is, we will just have to hope for the best. Tonight and the next game against Charlotte will show if Toronto wants to make the playoffs, or would rather be watching the first round from at home.

Prediction: Miami 97 Toronto 92

Game Preview 3/26/2010 vs Denver Nuggets

The only silver lining to a team as good as the Nuggets coming to town is the thought that their front line is nicely banged up. Of course, we only have one forward who attacks the basket in an effort to draw fouls, but lets ignore this for a moment. In reality, the Raptors will probably lose this game. We don't match up well agianst the Nuggets. Their defensive bigs give our offensive ones fits. Carmelo will tear apart anyone we have guard him, and their uptempo style works well against our pseudo uptempo style. 

 As such, I propose an alternate strategy. Many many years ago, I vaguely remember an episode of Coach.  Craig T. Nelson (Coach) had moved on to the NFL I believe and managed to get his terrible team into the playoffs. He was playing in Buffalo, and his assistant coach (played by some really old short, fat white guy. Sure I could look him up on imdb... but that's no fun) got the entire team free wings. Of course, these wings were undercooked and pink, thus leaving 30 of the teams players with salmonella poisoning. Assistant coach being a gross pig had always eaten pink chicken and built up an immunity.(And people wonder why the sitcom got replaced by reality TV)

I am thinking that Room Service needs to insure that Denver gets a similar type of food product. While wings might not be readily consumed by players, I am sure that they are constantly eating chicken in an attempt to be healthy. Just make sure to put some sort of opaque sauce on the chicken, call it an energy sauce, tell them it's full of whey protein and ground up cow muscle, I don't care. Then poison the Nuggets. Or at least Melo, Billups, and the front line. If Aaron Afflalo beats us, I'll tip my cap to the lad.


Prediction: Nuggets 114 Raptors 103

Jermaine O'Neal, We Hardly Knew Ye (And Thank God For That)

I still remember the day that the Raptors acquired Jermaine. I was floating in the waves with some friends on a sunny summer day. The warmth and breeze combined with freinds on a long weekend made for an ideal time. Then one of my friends started running from the beach. Pushing through the breakers to try to get out to us, screaming "You won't believe it! You won't believe it!" As he pushed through the waves, I thought something monumental had happened. At the time, all that mattered to me was that TJ Ford was finally gone. No more crunch time ridiculous shots. No more looking at an average PG who thought he was a superstar. Contentment and joy fell upon me. What I thought had been a perfect weekend truly became a perfect weekend.

As the days wore on, and I started thinking about the trade from a pure basketball perspective, a sense of dread came upon me. We had Bosh manning one big spot, and in theory we were supposed to have a talent in Bargnani at the other spot, though I was certainly unsure as to whether Bargnani would fulfill his possible potential.

While not technically "old" at the time of acquisition, Jermaine had a lot of miles on this legs. He falls into a select group of high schoolers drafted at the age of 17. A lot of miles had been put on his incredibly shaky knees. Anytime a Center has put 10+ years in the league, it's time to get critical. Especially when they have suffered consistent injuries.

Back and forth I went, contemplating, weighing his poor performance, bad shot selection, and injuries against... well, I'm still not sure what I weighed it against. I think it was merely hope. Hope that the Raptors could form some sort of twin towers scenario, Jermaine could drop 8 years, and we'd be a dominant force in the East.

Well, you know how things went. Jermaine remained a big ball of suck. His knees continued to ache at the smallest touch. His headband continued to be flung into the stands in disgust.  In the end, we had to take on Marcus Banks' ridiculous salary, and give away another 1'st round pick for the Jermaine O'Neal experiment.

5 months of bad play and excuses cost the Raptors 2 1'st round picks. (The TJ vs. Marcus Banks contracts cancel out. Shawn Marions expiring contract almost matches the expiring the Raptors sent to Indiana).

The everlasting image of Jermaine O'Neal is going to be a 14 foot fade away jumper clanking off the front of the rim. Fans in Miami are enjoying it right now. Thankfully for them, they can focus on Wade, and do their best to pretend that there is no one else on the court.

Jermaine O'Neal, when all is said and done, you've really only done one thing right in your career. You put that Pistons fan down on the ground like he deserved. You've got a good right hook. I can appreciate that.

Twitter Up and Running

My genius basketball beliefs can't only be in long winded rambling form. Find us on Twitter under the name "TheRaptorNest" or just click on the left.  My goal. Is to be 1/10000 as popular as Shaquille O'Neal. And 400% more popular than Shaquille O'Neal with Kobe Bryant.

Game Wrap Up 3/24/2010 vs. Utah Jazz

Pretty much everything that could go wrong in this game did go wrong. So why dwell on it? If everything was terrible, there is no reason to worry. Tomorrow is a new day. It's also the beginning of the NCAA Sweet Sixteen. I know Bryan Colangelo doesn't really believe in drafting players. Instead packaging our 1'st round draft picks to obtain, and then to trade away 30 year old bad knee Centers. So, perhaps we won't be watching future Raptors, but we'll be watching future NBA stars.

Tomorrow Kentucky plays Cornell. John Wall gets to go against a predominantly white team of future lawyers, physicians, and paper salesmen. Don't get me wrong, Cornell has been fantastic, but Johnnie Wall is on a whole new level when it comes to athleticism. In this upcoming draft, Wall's athleticism is going to break poor Jay Bilas down into tears as he tries to describe it and runs out of adjectives.

The Wall/Turner debate (for lack of a better word) will probably rage up until the draft, though I think Wall is the clear #1 with Turner the clear #2. A lot of the time GM's watch the NCAA tournament and put either far too much, or far too little stock into it. While it may not reveal all the skills or weaknesses a player has, it definitely will give you a window into their competitiveness. Players like Carmelo Anthony have shown that they want to win, and are going to impose their will on teams when the time arrives. That is what John Wall has to demonstrate in the upcoming rounds. The ability to put a team on his back and crush the competition under his feet like so many unfortunate snails.

Game Preview 3/24/2010. vs. Utah Jazz

Sporting a tidy 23-11 home record, it's good that the next two games will play to the Raptors strengths. Bargnani, Jack, DeRozan all show vast improvements at home compared to playing on the road. The comforts of home cooking, knowing the phone numbers of escort services without having to use Google, and your own bed can do wonders for a team.

Utah comes in sporting Deron Williams, a mess of bigs and pseudo bigs. While some people foolishly continue the Deron Williams vs. Chris Paul debate, (It's over Paul's won... suck it up) Williams is still a true star at his position. Manning the wings for the Jazz are Wesley Matthews, Andrei Kirilenko, and CJ Miles. (We actually have an advantage in wing play for one night. Don't get used to it) The Raps are going to be facing a team that is built on structure. They know their offensive sets, and run their plays to perfection. The same will go for their defensive rotations. For any chance at victory, the Raptors are going to have to lock down their own defensive rotations, but keep an extra eye open on baseline cuts.  Utah torched the Raptors down in the salty state with constant backdoor cuts and screens leading to a layup line.

Normally I would caution about the great rebounding the Jazz team will throw at the Raptors, but things have changed somewhat. Paul Millsap was an absolute monster pulling down rebounds until he learned that he can score too. Since he signed his big contract, his rebound rate has dropped (still respectable). He's still an efficient player who will attack inside, but it's as much on offense as on the glass these days. This might be a game where Reggie Evans can have a greater effect on the outcome than he has in most if he gets some of Amir Johnson's minutes to out-rebound Boozer and Millsap. 

Keys to victory:
-Attack Memo Okur and Wesley Matthews off the dribble.
-Don't allow back door cuts/screens to lead to layups.
-Reggie vs. Millsap (Should it happen)

Mostly Fake Made Up Player Profile Presents: Andrea Bargnani

Andrea Bargnani:
Age: 24
Height: 7-0
Weight: 250
Nationality: Italian
Contract and Salary: 2010: $6,527,491 (With a 5 year, 50 million going through 2014/2015 season)





Background:
Andrea is the great grandson of the famed Italian General Angelo Esposito Bargnani. Angelo commanded troops during the second battle of Thermopylae in World War 1. It is said that Andrea's prodigious height and athleticism come from Angelo as well as being a near mirror image of him.

Born in Rome, Andrea was often hit with sticks by children in school due to his height and his disinterest in Soccer. By the age of 9, Andrea had grown the beard he sports today and the sheer magnificence of it cowed the other children into accepting him. Like all Italian children, Andrea lost his virginity at the age of 12 to a grizzled lady of the night. Andrea has admitted that "Griselda", as he knew her, taught him much about love, life, and the art of the free throw. He still thinks of her during his visits to the charity stripe.

Andrea was the first European born player to be selected #1 in the NBA draft. While a great accomplishment, had this been a real draft, a mid-late lottery selection would have been far more likely.  Andrea showed flashes of brilliance during his rookie season. Unfortunately those flashes appear to have blinded him, as his shooting touch and confidence abandoned him in his second season.

Andrea's future was starting to look bleak. The Raptors had signed Jermaine O'Neal to be their Center, Sam Mitchell continued to rip at Andrea's confidence. If not for two things, Andrea might never have had a chance to realize his potential. First Sam Mitchell was fired for incompetence. Secondly, Jermaine O'Neal remained Jermaine O'Neal, prompting a trade to get him out of town as fast as possible.

The sky is the limit for young Andrea. Despite his feminine name, he is often seen about Toronto with beautiful women on his arm, and websites have sprung up to question his marital status. Also he seems to be playing better basketball. Though his fear of rebounds matches his fear of Tigers. Intense psychotherapy will be required there to show any real improvement.

Injury History:
In 2007, Andrea had his appendix removed. While at first seen as a dangerous moment in his life, it has proven a boon, as the decreased overall body mass has correlated to an increase in his blocked shots.


Strengths:
- Sustained use of "Oil of Olay"
- Athleticism
- Shiny beard blinds defenders
- Feathery touch to Jumper
- Improving post game

Weaknesses:
- Parmesan Cheese
- Rebounding
- Intense pathological fear of Siberian tigers
- Help Defense
- More Help Defense

Best Case Career:
2 Cup Mehmet Okur
1 Cup Dirk Nowitzki
2 taplespoons Rik Smits
1 sprinkle of Arvydas Sabonis
Mix well with rubber spatula
Bake at 350 for 14 years
Let Cool

Worst Case Career:
Tim Thomas

Game Wrap Up 3/22/2010 @ Minnesota Timberwolves

A typical raptor road win. For a team aspiring to be a strong playoff team, winning on the road against a rebuilding disaster like the Wolves is mandatory. Thankfully, the Raptors pulled it off. This is not to say that the fourth quarter wasn't nerve wracking. Every time Toronto had a chance to put the Wolves away, a defensive breakdown or two would let them back into the game. The biggest surprise of course was that the man who put the Wolves away was Mr. Hedo Turkoglu.

Finally one of the few flashes of the Hedo fans thought Bryan Colangelo was signing. I'm not going to go into the struggles Hedo has faced right now. However he made two gutsy shots. His three from the corner wasn't created by him, but his left handed layup cutting through the lane was vintage Turkoglu. The last three minutes of the game was purely pick and roll with Turkoglu/Bosh, and it's time for the Raptors to do that more often. Bosh's mobility should allow for more pick and roll play. Bosh (and Bargnani) has a tendency to show on screens, and roll before they make contact with the frontside defender. While this can work sometimes as a surprise, it makes it far easier to defend. This game, Bosh was setting strong screens, and Gomes, Brewer, or Flynn were really struggling to get over the top of them.

While it would have been nice for the Raptors to step on the Wolves' throats when they had the chance like a championship team does, holding off the Wolves' pushes were a good start. Next up: Utah at Home.

Welcome to the Raptor Nest

There are usually three types of basketball fans in Toronto.

1. The Leaf Migration Fan (Often referred to as "Raptor Truthers")
These fans swallow the kool-aid every single year. Every move made by the front office is always the greatest move ever. Every unheralded bench player is a star waiting to happen (Uros Slokar perhaps one of the best examples). These fans get up in arms anytime anything the least bit negative is said about their team. Riots, spitting, and the general throwing of monkey feces are common reactions when faced with a Raptor Truther's unhappiness. The Raptor Truther is to be avoided when possible, ignored when they get too loud, and shot with horse tranquillizers should you own a tranq gun.


2. The grass roots, still doesn't know the rules after 15 years "fan"

How many years did knowledgeable fans have to watch games and wonder why every rule was explained. It wasn't a case of rules that people might not have seen (What classifies as a flagrant foul, clear path fouls, etc...) We were forced to endure lessons on what traveling is. Perhaps that is a poor example, as most NBA officials, players, fans, and rule makers don't understand. But 15 years later, many people still have no clue what is going on, and view Leo Rautins as one of the great basketball minds in the world. Upon hearing of a Raptor (or really, any Toronto teams) loss, they will reply in a flippant ignorant voice, "What else is new?"  Well, what's new is you have no clue about the status of the team you claim to enjoy. I hate these people. Hate them.


3. The Moderates
You know the game. You love the game. You can critically analyze a game. You can enjoy footwork. You can talk like Hubie Brown should you wish. You're not just a Raptor fan, you're a basketball fan. This is the group I intend to appeal to. I am sure more people would read/care if I called Jose Calderon the greatest passing guard in the NBA. Nay, the greatest pure point to ever play the game! But that's not going to happen.

Hopefully things I write will manage to alternate between funny, sleepy, informative, gassy, and then sleepy again. It is to group 3 that I am appealing. Enjoy.