The Shocking Truth About Hedo Turkoglu's Moderately Wild Night!

Rather than a regular wrap up and analysis of the Bobcats game, I can sum it up fast. Jack and Bargnani showed up in the fourth. Last 4 minutes were some of the most painful basketball ever watched, but a win is a win. There, consider yourself informed.

While this has for the most part been a blog of expert analysis and stunning wisdom, the time has come to put aside the opinion. It is time for some hard journalism. By sorting through all the evidence, I have come up with a timeline of Mr. Hedo Turkoglu and what REALLY happened during his supposed night of moderate partying and non stomach illness.



Time-Line of Hedo Turkoglu's life From March 24'th to March 27'th:


Wed March 24'th

8:11 PM:
After 4 points in 19 minutes, Hedo's stomach begins to rebel, whether because of some spicy clams or because of it rejecting yet another atrocious offensive performance, we can't be sure.

10:42 PM
Phone call from Triano checking on his Small Forward, insuring Hedo is checking out the Nuggets game tape and enjoying his Pizza Pizza and Sprite. Hedo responds “Yes Coach”.


Thurs March 25'th

10:03 AM
After getting onto the practice floor, and seeing Sonny Weems playing SF for the first team with Hedo's status up in the air, Hedo's stomach once again rebels on him, forcing him to the restroom for an extended period. Sonny goes 2 for 17 in practice, full of confidence for the upcoming games.


Fri March 26'th

5:30 PM
Hedo finds out he's not going to be dressing for the game due to his lingering “virus” Consumes more Pizza Pizza and Sprite in sadness.

7:51 PM
Sonny Weems makes 19 foot jump shot. Hedo faints on bench, requiring the trainer to take him back to the locker room and check him out.

9:06 PM
Up 10, Hedo realizes how much Pizza Pizza and Sprite 53 million dollars can buy. Resulting giggle fit has team-mates worried. Resulting in late game collapse and Denver victory.

9:32 PM
Raptors lose, walking back to locker room loose ball heads towards Hedo, passes through outstretched hands, strikes Hedo in the face. Giggle fit ends.

10:31 PM
Hedo's wife has it written into his marital contract that all Friday nights in Toronto require a trip out. Hedo acquiesces meekly.

11:46 PM
Yorkville district becomes enhanced by the Turkoglu family. Hedo takes brief trip into the new hip hop club “Esophagus” thinking perhaps he can get something for his recent stomach issues there.


Sat March 27'th

1:14 AM

Twelve rye and pepto's later, Hedo is feeling much better. He is seen unpacking his mystery case that he had been carrying with him. Supposedly case contains a pair of custom made Gucci dancing shoes. The crowd takes a collective intake of breath as they are about to be subjected to a 6'10” Turkish man showing them all up.

1:32 AM
DANCE FIGHT! Hedo vs. 19 year old hairdresser DeMonique Blair of Mississauga.

1:48 AM
Hedo Crowned winner. Distressed DeMonique takes cell phone picture of Hedo's final moves. Sadly, DeMonique can't leap up to the roof, grab hold of supports, followed by a reverse somersault, and come down in the splits.

1:51 AM
Jealous DeMonique uses her Blackberry to Google Raptor executives. E-mailing the entire front office the picture of a supposedly ill Turkoglu celebrating his dance victory by spinning his wife on his index finger like a Spalding Basketball. Executives angry at him showing this much ball control wonder why he isn't displaying it in game.

2:38 AM
Turkoglu and wife return home. Consume Pizza Pizza, delivery man was waiting in his drive way. Driver enjoys 100 dollar tip and vows to supply them with as much pizza as they need in the future. Hedo weeps openly for the first time since he left his homeland.

9:34 AM
Coach Triano calls. Wants to know if Hedo is ready for Miami Sunday. “Yes Coach”