Cavaliers vs.Celtics. Round 2 Preview

The Celtics are a past their prime team, filled with chemistry issues as the new guard fight the old guard. 2 years ago when the Celtics won a championship, they had 3 stars in their primes, 3 very strong role players, and a young PG moving forward and looking to assert himself.

Since then, their best defensive player has lost his knees and athletic ability rendering him a shell of himself. Their best perimeter shooter has lost the consistency that used to be his hallmark, and their best all around player has aged two years, and just looks tired after trying to carry this team.

The young guys resent the old ones, and the strong role players that have left have been replaced by a 36 year old Center with man breasts who often won't run past either foul line for 5 minutes at a time. When you hear "once he plays his way into shape" 3/4 of the way through the season, it's time to accept he's not going to be playing his way into shape.

Miami won 47 games in the regular season. Boston won 50. Cleveland finished 61-21 with the best record in the league. Boston won on opening night when they still had fresh legs. Cleveland took them apart piece by piece both games after that. Boston won the 4'th game of the season when Cleveland didn't care anymore because they had 1'st locked up.

The only thing I will say is this... if you were at a park and about to play pickup (insert sports of choice here) and you had people from all sports standing around, the first pick is, and would always be Lebron James. I don't like the Cavs, I don't like Lebron, but he is something special, and he needs a championship. I am not saying it because Lebron loves basketball and is ultra competitive. His competitive nature is best demonstrated in his goal of being a global icon. People love winners. Now he proves he is one.

Game Preview 4/11/2010 vs. Chicago Bulls

This is it. If this depleted Raptors team wants the honor of getting decimated by the Cavaliers in 4 to 5 games, then quite simply they need to win this game against the Chicago Bulls. The Raptors do already have the tiebreaker with the Bulls no matter what. happens, however, getting behind the Bulls, with equal schedules (The Raptors play weaker teams, while the Bulls play teams ready to rest their players) would signal a disaster. If the Raps manage to win this game, they'd only need to win 1 of the next 2 games. And likely could manage that, even without the venerable Mr. Bosh.

I confess, that even despite my current blasé attitude, and acceptance of the end of the Chris Bosh era, I still get excited for games that mean something. If the Raps were 6-7 games out, and looking at another late lottery pick, I would probably have thrown in the towel. But right now, the season is still alive, and that tiny string of hope is out there. Give the Raps a chance to have the biggest round 1 upset of all time (with all due respect Golden State and Denver, we'd be bigger) and I would get excited for it. Will we win a championship? Not a chance.  But we could do something special all the same, and that's what I want. A chance for a special memory is all you can ask from your sports teams.

Mostly Fake Made Up Player Profile Presents: Reggie Evans

Reggie Evans
Age 29
Height 6-8 (Generously Listed)
Weight 245 lbs (Generously Listed)
Salary: 4,960,000


Reginald "Frankenstein" Evans was born in Florida, but moved to Napa Valley at an early age. His mother and father worked on a vineyard, and grew their own marijuana in a small field. Growing up, Reggie spent a lot of time working the fields, and gained a love/hate relationship with grapes, and grape offshoots (wine, juice, jelly, etc) Reggie can't resist the taste of these items, but afterward, has to go off alone, curl up in the fetal position, and cry for 12 minutes.

Reggie attended the University of Iowa on a basketball scholarship. During his 4 years there, Reggie majored in theater, and is an accomplished mime. While a talented college player, Reggie realized that his pro career wouldn't be one of a star. Instead, he realized that a hustle player who rebounds well, and pretends he has a post game would be a much better fit.

In order to practice the art of the screen, Reggie developed a 2 part workout regimen. Phase 1 of his plan involved proper screen placement. Reggie would go out, find a busy sidewalk, and place screens in front of busy commuters. This worked for quite a while, but eventually, the burns from the coffee thrown on him forced him to no longer operate near Starbucks.

The second phase of his regiment required him to adjust to the physicality that NBA players running into him would present. Pasty businessmen/women just didn't have the force required. After consulting with Iowa physicist Yan Feng, Reggie found the proper force to simulate setting an NBA screen. Reggie would visit a local area goat farm, get on his knees, and make mating gestures at the females. This in turn would incite the rams, and have them charge his chest, which incidentally was wearing a rams head t-shirt. Each shot to the chest Reggie took was one more NBA screen he was ready to set.

Toronto is Reggie's 4'th team. He's been traded around as a specialist and has provided generally high rebound rates throughout his career. He was used most in Seattle and had his best year, averaging 4.9 points and 9.3 rebounds in 04/05.

While it was expected that Reggie would be a large part of the Toronto Raptor team, he's generally been a disappointment. First his foot injury dragged on for the majority of the season. Then it was discovered that he was hiding gnomes in his beard.

Strengths:
Stage Presence
Soft Miming Hands
Rebounds Well
Beastly Goat Screens

Weaknesses:
Anything to do with shooting a basketball.
Gnomes in Beard

Best Case Career:
Reggie Evans

Worst Case Career:
2 year training course at ITT Tech in "Refrigerator Maintenance"

Down in the Doldrums.

Yes, a long weekend away. I am sure my saucy wit, and intense Raptors knowledge was well missed by all three of you. Now, lets recap what happened to the Raptors while I was away. Blew Out Clippers! Good.  Beat Philly after almost collapsing. Mixed Blessing. Lost to Golden State at home. Painful painful stuff. Lost to Cleveland. Chris Bosh fractured his face.... Goodbye season

So we're 1 game up on Chicago with the next two against Atlanta, Boston. We once looked like we were heading to a 5 seed. Now we'll be lucky to make the playoffs, don't own our 1'st round pick, and if we do make the Playoffs, we'll still be without our star.

This season is over, but that doesn't mean Raptor talk ends. We'll be back to normal tomorrow. Look forward to our next fake player profile, and an upcoming look at Chris Bosh's inevitable Free Agent destination.