Age 29
Height 6-8 (Generously Listed)
Weight 245 lbs (Generously Listed)
Salary: 4,960,000
Reginald "Frankenstein" Evans was born in Florida, but moved to Napa Valley at an early age. His mother and father worked on a vineyard, and grew their own marijuana in a small field. Growing up, Reggie spent a lot of time working the fields, and gained a love/hate relationship with grapes, and grape offshoots (wine, juice, jelly, etc) Reggie can't resist the taste of these items, but afterward, has to go off alone, curl up in the fetal position, and cry for 12 minutes.
Reggie attended the University of Iowa on a basketball scholarship. During his 4 years there, Reggie majored in theater, and is an accomplished mime. While a talented college player, Reggie realized that his pro career wouldn't be one of a star. Instead, he realized that a hustle player who rebounds well, and pretends he has a post game would be a much better fit.
In order to practice the art of the screen, Reggie developed a 2 part workout regimen. Phase 1 of his plan involved proper screen placement. Reggie would go out, find a busy sidewalk, and place screens in front of busy commuters. This worked for quite a while, but eventually, the burns from the coffee thrown on him forced him to no longer operate near Starbucks.
The second phase of his regiment required him to adjust to the physicality that NBA players running into him would present. Pasty businessmen/women just didn't have the force required. After consulting with Iowa physicist Yan Feng, Reggie found the proper force to simulate setting an NBA screen. Reggie would visit a local area goat farm, get on his knees, and make mating gestures at the females. This in turn would incite the rams, and have them charge his chest, which incidentally was wearing a rams head t-shirt. Each shot to the chest Reggie took was one more NBA screen he was ready to set.
Toronto is Reggie's 4'th team. He's been traded around as a specialist and has provided generally high rebound rates throughout his career. He was used most in Seattle and had his best year, averaging 4.9 points and 9.3 rebounds in 04/05.
While it was expected that Reggie would be a large part of the Toronto Raptor team, he's generally been a disappointment. First his foot injury dragged on for the majority of the season. Then it was discovered that he was hiding gnomes in his beard.
Strengths:
Stage Presence
Soft Miming Hands
Rebounds Well
Beastly Goat Screens
Weaknesses:
Anything to do with shooting a basketball.
Gnomes in Beard
Best Case Career:
Reggie Evans
Worst Case Career:
2 year training course at ITT Tech in "Refrigerator Maintenance"
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